Angels and ministers of grace defend us!
It’s like they’re operating in a reality crafted by the poet, one where all common sense can be abandoned by a group of people at such length that, months of development and a few million rubles later, they can release a product as knowingly flawed as Disciples 3 upon an unwitting gaming public. It’s the only explanation – they’re acting out some bizarre form of King Lear. Before I explain why, take my word on this: Do not play Disciples 3. Do not be tempted by flashy screenshots! Flee! Flee before it’s too late!
But hey, turn-based strategy, right? Not about the graphics. It’s about the strategy. At least, that was the hope. It doesn’t work out for a number of reasons inDisciples 3, but let’s start with the worst offender, the AI. I have not played a game so willfully stupid sinceExtreme Paintbrawl. Disciples 3 offers units with a variety of special abilities, varied stats and qualities, and it even places tiles on the tactical battle maps that provide bonuses for particular unit types. The AI uses none of these; it rushes at your units, generally in straight lines, and mashes the basic attack. It should come as no surprise, therefore, that battles are almost always foregone conclusions.
Then there’s the RPG progression – your hero can gain levels through successive battles and upgrade stats and pick up new abilities. Pretty standard fare there, really, except that in light of the fundamentally broken combat system, none of it is relevant. Ever. There is no situation where your carefully thought buys makes a lick of difference. You might as well just stop bothering.
How about the music? No, let’s not discuss that. It doesn’t work. The game gets stuck on the first 3 seconds of every track, looping on it over and over and over until you’re ready to chew on the barrel of a revolver.
For multiplayer, there’s no LAN or online play – just a hotseat option with a few maps as choices. Considering the three campaigns, that feels like a paltry offering, bolted on almost as an afterthought.
Disciples is, originally, a Russian game. I don’t know how the voice-overs were there, but the US version is just awful. The narrator is pencil-through-the-ear bad and the localization borders on the incomprehensible. You might expect that this will make the story hard to follow. You’d be right! It’s pretty much impenetrable too. It may be the next Chekov in Russia – but here, with this translation, it’s best buried.
Disciples 3 is basically just Heroes of Might and Magic 5… only worse. There are hardly any redeeming qualities to the game. As it stands, Disciples 3 is merely a poor knock-off.
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